全球会客厅：中美育儿方式的异同

来自世界各地的嘉宾与CGTN主持人邹韵交流观点

当家庭迎来新生命的时候，养育孩子的成本、如何养育孩子以及父母在家庭中养育孩子角色的分配都成了大部分家庭将要面临的难题。新冠疫情期间，很多事情都发生了改变。例如，幼儿园和学校数周关门，何时恢复正常尚不得而知，孩子们必须在家中上课，还要有人看管。与此同时，父母需要花费更多时间、承担更多责任来照顾孩子。为了应对突如其来的生活方式的改变，许多父亲的角色也随之而转变。

12月10日，中央广播电视总台中国国际电视台（CGTN）的“全球会客厅”网络直播节目邀请了来自中国和美国既是父亲也是教育工作者的三位嘉宾，共同探讨关于父亲在新冠疫情中所扮演的角色这一话题，并与全球网友分享了他们在养育孩子以及与孩子建立健康亲子关系方面的经验。

Parenting, an eternal puzzle for all families, is taking up new challenges during the pandemic. For many families, virus containment measures like working from home means precious time to stay together. But as schools remain closed and teachers stay on the other side of the computer screen, parents also shoulder more responsibilities for taking care of their children. It is also a moment for many fathers to realize that they"re needed to step up and play a bigger part in childcare.

In this episode of "The Chat Room," we invited three "proud fathers" and educators from China and the U.S. to discuss the father"s role during the pandemic and to share their experiences of parenting and building a healthy relationship with children.

新冠疫情发生后，父亲在家庭中的角色是否有所转变？

Shifting role of father during the pandemic

在本期“全球会客厅”节目中，嘉宾们围绕“在新冠疫情发生后，父亲在家庭中的角色是否有所转变？”这一话题展开了探讨。

来自哥伦比亚大学（Columbia University）师范学院的教授大卫·莱昂纳多 （David Leonard）认为，美国家庭父母的角色其实已经改变一段时间了。现如今，夫妻会在工作和养育子女之间寻求平衡点。他指出，在新冠大流行期间，学校“停摆”，纽约市有许多孩子不得不在家上学。面对在家学习的孩子，父亲还需担任起教师的角色。

对于莱昂纳多的观点，北京朝阳实验小学的英语老师李海龙表示赞同，并认为几十年来父亲的角色一直在变化。张海龙以他自己举例解释道，他出生在一个“男主外，女主内”的中国传统家庭，他的父亲忙于工作，而母亲则承担起做所有家务的责任。但现如今，年轻父母都愿意花更多时间陪伴自己的孩子，和孩子建立起更亲密的亲子关系。

康福国际教育集团董事长、总校长刘煜炎

刘煜炎是康福国际教育集团董事长、总校长，他也见证了两代人对“父亲角色”的不同诠释。刘煜炎提到了重要的一点：父亲角色对孩子的成长有着举足轻重的作用，好的家庭教育则是父母联盟。

During the pandemic, many things have changed. One of the major changes for some families has been the shifting role of the father.

David Leonard, a Columbia University professor, believes that the roles of mother and father have been changing for some time. Both are nowadays balancing work and parenting. He noted that many children are home-schooling during the pandemic in New York City. And fathers during the pandemic need to develop skills not only as parent, but as teachers too.

Echoing Leonard"s opinion, Li Hailong, an English teacher at Beijing Chaoyang Experimental Primary School, said the father"s role has been changing for decades. He comes from a traditional Chinese family, where his own father was busy with his career and his mother did all the housework. But for young parents like himself, people are building a closer relationship and spending more time with their child.

Liu Yuyan, chairman of the Camford Education Group, said he tried to be a role model for his children and take care of the family as much as he could. Though he admitted his wife still did the most work looking after the children, more changes are needed in the future.

中美育儿方式有何不同？

The differences in parenting styles in China and the U.S.?

人们往往认为，在育儿问题上，西方父母更“佛系”，东方父母更“鸡血”。在本次节目中，嘉宾们也对中美育儿方式进行了一番讨论。中美育儿方式真的大不相同吗？

哥伦比亚大学教授大卫·莱昂纳多

当谈到中美两国育儿方式差异的问题时，莱昂纳多首先想到的是两国育儿方式的相似之处。莱昂纳多表示，随着美国和中国的不断发展，当代父亲的思想在不断演化，父亲角色模式深刻转变，父亲更愿意参与到孩子的成长中，会更愿意花时间陪孩子、教育孩子。莱昂纳多还补充道，在孩子面前，父亲们需要放下自我、卸下大男子主义的包袱，更多地表达自己的真实情感。

如果说莱昂纳多回答这个问题的关键词是“参与”，那么对于李海龙来说，他的答案的关键词则是“支持”。李海龙认为，自己既不是严肃的父亲，也不是溺爱孩子的父亲，他把自己界定在两者之间。他希望孩子可以自由发展、自我成长。李老师用他支持女儿选择学习武术的例子，来说明只要需求合理，他会支持女儿做她想做的任何事情。

When comes to the differences of parenting between China and the U.S., the first thing that came to Leonard"s mind was the similarities between both countries.

"There is an evolution. Fathers are evolving into being more involved with their children," he said, noting that fathers now also do errands for the family, like buying diapers at grocery stores.

Fathers now are in the middle of learning how to be more involved, learning how to be role models, he said, adding that fathers need to be more authentic, to unload their baggage and show more of their real emotions. After all, they are not only involved as fathers, but as men.

If Leonard"s keywords in parenting are "being involved," then to Li Hailong, the keywords are "being supportive".

Neither a tiger father, nor a spoiling parent, Li defined himself "in the middle". He tried to be supportive to anything his daughter wants to do. "Anything reasonable," he said, mentioning that his daughter prefers Chinese kungfu to ballet. "OK. Let"s give it a try," Li recalled saying, wishing his girl follows her interests to "grow within herself."

“父亲的人生课” 

Tips to be a better father

在新冠疫情期间，越来越多的父亲认识到与孩子广泛进行互动的必要性，而不仅仅是“陪伴”而已。如何成为一个更好的父亲？三位嘉宾都有着自己独特的见解。

莱昂纳多称，给孩子自由和选择的权利只是育儿策略的一部分，父亲也必须用聪明的方式来实践。太多的选择可能会使孩子不知所措。莱昂纳多进一步解释道，他总是给女儿三种选择，希望她能做出更优的选择。最后，莱昂纳多建议家长不要替孩子做最终的决定，而是通过过滤各种选项，把孩子从众多选择中“拯救”出来。

对于如何成为一个更好的父亲这一难题，刘煜炎通过讲述亲身经历，强调了两点：其一，培养孩子的独立思考能力，让孩子自己解决问题，而不是直接帮他们解决；其二，要教会孩子明白改变不了所处的环境，就去改变自己的道理。

北京朝阳实验小学英语老师李海龙

作为一名年轻的父亲，李海龙更重视与孩子在情绪上建立一种情感链接。他认为和孩子的交流至关重要，父亲要做孩子的倾听者，让孩子们确信父母会一直陪伴在他们身边。李海龙还表示，陪孩子玩游戏、参加体育运动都是很好的建立情感的方式。当然，他还鼓励父亲们拥抱、亲吻孩子，以此表达对孩子的爱和情感。

其实，做一个好父亲没有任何捷径可走，但耐心、爱心、正确的教育理念会帮助父母和孩子共同成长。三位嘉宾的见解是他们在学习成为好父亲的过程中总结而出的，你有哪些育儿小妙招呢？对于父亲角色的转换你又有哪些看法呢？欢迎锁定“全球会客厅”节目，与中国国际电视台（CGTN）分享你的心得。

As more fathers are recognizing the necessity of getting more involved in the family during the pandemic, many are still looking for better approaches than just "being physically there." Aren"t there any small tips for fathers to improve their parenting skills?

Leonard argued that giving choices and freedom to children are just part of the strategy, fathers also have to practice it in clever ways. Too many choices can be overwhelming for children. Leonard said he always gave his daughter three choices, which were both acceptable to him and her – "It"s helping. But it"s in the shadow." Leonard suggested that the parent does not make the final decision, but filters the options to save their kids from "the universe of choices."

Liu highlighted the nurturing of independent thinking. Let children solve problem themselves, don"t give them the answers. He told a real story about his son at a piano competition, who at first got confused about judges" preferences, but later found out the deciding element of winning the competition through personal investigation.

As a young parent, Li attaches great importance to expressing love and care to a child. Having a conversation with the kid at the end of each day is crucial in Li"s philosophy, which assures kids that their parent is always available. While for elder kids playing sports and games is very often a good idea, he added. He also encouraged dads to express their love and emotions more, using big hugs and kisses to build connections.

Apparently, there is no shortcut for being a better dad. But with patience, love, and proper educational ideas, eventually, "Birds will fly".